BickerySebastian's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Game that Attempts to Compensate for Poor Game Deisgn with An E-]

You just do shit...
Nothing much and that's what it deserves, 0 stars for not even doing fucking ANYTHING. A game that tries won't get this rating because it knows that something is better than nothing, this doesn't.

PersistentDreamer responds:

To my fellow game designer:

You're right! I do just "do shit". (At least the games I've put out here) However, that also applies to literally everyone. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the idea that we should be doing something else, something grander, something more ambitious, that that idea threatens to take away all the joy from creating.

I'd warrant that some of the most masterful pieces of art, some of the greatest works of literature, of history, came about because some guy acted like he was hot shit, when he clearly wasn't, but didn't care, did his own thing, and published it. This very website got its start with Tom Fulp making Flash games about clubbing seals and pimping out the Teletubbies.

Salvador Dali made a phone lobster. What's his face painted a bunch of soup cans. And Herman Melville died believing himself to be a failure after spending a year and a half of his life writing Moby Dick. Tesla made countless inventions, but most of his inventions were stolen by Edison and he died poor.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing wrong with just doing shit, and there's no guarantee that just because you're doing something bigger the world will care. The world is stupidly random like that sometimes. That's not to say I don't have my own serious project, because I do. I have a game I've been working on for over a year now. But sometimes you want to just put down the fancy stuff and bust out the crayons, let things flow a little bit, you know what I'm saying?

And hell, if Dali and Soup Picture Guy got famous for that shit, why not throw out my work? One final thing I want to clarify: You stated I didn't try. That's not true. I tried to fail. There's a world of difference between those two things. Not trying is pointless. Trying to fail has a certain...educational value. As a fellow game dev, I suggest you try it sometime. Who knows? Maybe some cool idea, mechanic, or way of looking at your bigger projects will pop up as a result. I know it has with mine.

Take it easy.

[Dominik Kills Himself]

A much shitty version of Nene Interactive Suicide. There's really only 5 ways to die, considering that chubby bunny is just swallowing pills and I'm not going to wait for like 50 minutes just so I can see poorly drawn cat die from an overdose. They're all unimpressive considering that, 1, most of these aren't even remotely graphic, like for example, hanging, bleach, bong water, or chainsmoking, and 2, even a suicide by gun is that unimpressive, because it's just a shitty corpse with a pool of blood. Not even the walls get tainted by the goddamn blood, and 3, there's no sound when you do it. There's the music, but that's what you're getting for this dogshit game.

[Rhythm Tengoku: Meow Mixer]

It's an okay replica of the Meow Mixer, which is not bad, but I kinda wish that it's multi-lingual and not stuck as is in Japanese, because most people who played the GBA Rhythm Tengoku aren't likely familiar with Japanese or are the minority who played the game in its' original rom. Adding in an American/European English variant is something that's wanted, but what about a French translation, Spanish even, or what about even Korean??

[Dominik VS The Hares]

It's just a shitty shoot 'em gallery. There is no "challenge" in shooting a bunch of unassumingly Chinese rabbit officers, they just walk left or right and that's it. They don't even try fighting back. The music is TERRIBLY looped.

[Dominik Goes Skiing]

It's a terrible remake of Ski Free.
Also, fuck off GDevelop, I'm not going to authenticate for this goddamn title.
Anyway, the game's horrendous and there's barely any difficulty in this game because I won by just doing nearly ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. You ski down automatically and there's no way to slow down or just stop, removing the fun of having to ski around a hill. Also, the famous abominable snow monster has been circumcised to a entity that wouldn't even chase you and just hangs around trees. There are NO obstacles that penalize your skills, so not even the trees knock you out. Furthermore, everything's too goddamn zoomed in, the camera doesn't show what's below you so you can't turn in time to avoid trees.

wladyslaw23 responds:

thank you so much. without your reviews, the games would only get shittier.

[Dominik Pays For His Sins]

What kind of asshole makes a game that you can only jump and move and that's it?
If you wanna make a game, at least do SOMETHING about it. Why not allow us as the asshole cat to kill countless Robert Smiths for our pleasure and when the asshole dies, it's revealed that he's already dead?

wladyslaw23 responds:

hey man thats not nice

[Wii Menu (on scratch)]

The most piss poor recreation of the Wii menu and deserves 0 stars for it's absymal execution.
First of all, why do I need an account for a game that doesn't need the Newgrounds API. It doesn't need the API just so it can save your game. Games like Papa's Burgeria didn't need the API so what's the excuse?
Let's go over the inaccuracies!
-There's only ONE screen that the Wii has to go over and that's the health warning screen. That's it. No, the channel WADs don't work ANYTHING like the original or RC24 WADs.
-LOADS of inaccurate, poor attempts of replicating the classic channel animations, or just no animations. this includes the Disc channel, the Mii Channel, the Photo Channel, Wii Shop Channel, the Forecast and News Channel, the Internet channel, Check Mii Out/Mii Contest Channel, the Nintendo Channel, Everybody Votes Channel, Today & Tomorrow Channel, the Wii Speak Channel, and finally the "Damae" Channel (It's localized as the Food Channel in WiiLink.).
-The menu has HALF of the channels in a real Wii (48 channels in a real Wii, so you actually have 24.).
-The menu isn't based on ONE region. In the US, you can't get the Food Channel because it was exclusive to Japan, while the Today & Tomorrow Channel wasn't available in NA regions.
-NO CLOCK. It's replaced by this Wii logo with the trademark even though the Wii didn't have them. This even applies to the button to go to the Wii Settings.
-The Wii Settings are wrong, data management should be on the LEFT and not the right.
-The Wii Settings page has the wrong graphics and is inaccurate to the actual thing (Come on, Controls/Stuff? Not Wii System Settings 1??).
-Data Management is represented incorrectly, it should show a Wii, a Gamecube Memory Card, a SD Card, and a Wii channel.
-The functions of the Data Management is also represented horribly because it skips to the Wii Save Data screen that can flip to the Nintendo Gamecube Save Data. None of the icons are represent the actual thing correctly AND it serves as a Channel Management screen, except clicking on an icon deletes and not a prompt to move, copy, or delete a channel.
-The SD Card Menu has 20 pages and yet there's only ONE page and is replaced by the "SD Card Menu" text, instead of putting the text in where it SHOULD belong.
-The SD Card Menu's help section is inaccurate to the actual help section. In the actual thing, it has three pages, about it, save data, and a caution page. The game throws it out with useless tip pages. It doesn't even change the "next" button on the last page to be a "close" button.
-The Wii Message Board lacks the ability to send messages and also the date. Plus the message scrolling is inaccurate because the arrows help you scroll the message and is instead replaced by dragging.
-The Wii Shop Channel's recommended titles layout is wrong and inaccurate.
-The shopping layout is inaccurate AGAIN because sections from the left in the original channel are now on the right. Downloading channels are done by clicking and not by clicking on the Download/Buy option, where you wanted to download the channel, confirming what you wanted by the control screen, a description screen, and the Wii Points and open blocks screen. WiiWare is misrepresented as it's a hub where you can buy and download Wii GAMES, here it's represented as where you can download "Damae" channel. Plus there is no Account Activity, Titled You've Downloaded, and Settings and Features, and no Shopping Guide either.
-The Mii Channel... Look how they massacred my boy... The channel has been dumbed down to a dress-up game that lacks the ability to save your avatar, the layout is wrong, no ability to make female Miis, lacks 9 sections which includes the name and details of a Mii, height and weight, facial features, hair, eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth, and misc. details like glasses, beauty spots, mustaches, and beards. Favorite doesn't work properly as it gives a Mii golden pants and not RED pants. Colors are excluded like pink and brown and doesn't represent the actual 12 colors a Mii's favorite color is. The system is watered down as to change something, you click on the section and that's it. There's only 5 skin tones, 12 eye styles, 12 noses (which is the only thing that's accurate), 17 mouths, 20 hairstyles, including ones from the 3DS and not ones within the actual channel, and that's WAY LESS than the actual combinations you can make in the actual channel. Plus there's no option to change eye color OR the hair. It doesn't even give you the option to save your Mii at all!
-The Photo Channel works NOTHING alike the original one. You can't "upload files" so you're given straight to the Fun Doodle section of the channel of ONE image. No mood section and no puzzle section. PLUS it's missing the pencils, eraser, and the stickers.
-The Forecast and News channel work NOTHING like the original. They prompt you to agree to RC24's terms which isn't even accurate if you did setup these channels on a real Wii. They just give you nothing, no globe, just the front page stuff but barely ANYTHING.
-The Internet channel has the wrong font for the logo of the channel and doesn't have the standard layout for the channel. It's missing a LOT of buttons like the Back to a page or next page, Search, Favorites, and the Opera Home button. The Wii Remote for controls is watered down to only being a graphic. No operations guide, settings, or even a Wii menu.
-The Check Mii Out/Mii Contest Channel is just barely accurate and lacks the Mii Artisan profile. None of the Miis are in proper rows like in the ACTUAL channel. Contests barely work so no point using it.
-The Nintendo Channel is not even accurate. RiiConnect24 isn't necessary to use the channel (Not originally.) because WiiConnect24 exists and Nintendo Directs was NEVER mentioned when you start-up the channel as a fresh user. It was a channel meant to share you news about Nintendo games and third-party games at the time. It's missing a lot of buttons on the actual channel, like New Arrivals, Find Titles for You, DS Download Service, Recommend Title, Everyone's Recommendations, and Records. Settings isn't accurate to the channel, the video "player" doesn't play actual video, and the "How to get Nintendo Channel" makes no goddamn sense WHEN YOU HAVE THE DAMN CHANNEL.
-The Everybody Votes Channel lacks buttons from the original, like "Register New Voter," "Voter Data," "Suggest a Question," and options. You can't even see poll results at all!
-The Today & Tomorrow Channel works NOTHING like the actual channel as clicking Miis will not reveal their profile, their Zodiac Sign, and their luck points. No details either! None of the features like Compatability, Food, Care, and Fun hints don't work because they're dumbed down to just screens with NOTHING happening.
-The Wii Speak Channel is just unusable. There's no microphone usage for the channel so it's lying to you, so there's no point of using a channel about using a microphone that's unheard of.
I can't believe this warranted a LONG review about how atrocious this game was recreated. It's almost if these were made by people who never HAD a Wii before.

andymink25 responds:

Stop being rude or im reporting you!

[Paw Kitty Mew Meow]

Basically a worse version of Can Your Pet, but with house cats.
It's lacks ANY subtlety to make it good because it's so clear that the game is hiding something in its' sleeves. The tags, load screen, and description don't help, because those hints of horror can ruin what you'll bring. If the player already knows what's going to happen, the shock value is automatically ruined, and this game NEVER flips the table about it. Fenzy is the worst part of the game, because the tone is out of place. It doesn't even try hiding these aspects, because it's so blatant about it. Ah yes, a 300 coin item that looks like a knife just so happens to be a weapon I can use to kill the cat. Why couldn't it just surprise me with AT LEAST making it a present? The shock value of seeing your kitty die is lost if it's so predictable. Yeah, of course the cat was gonna commit suicide once it ran out of love. The kitty was gonna die from starvation, so not surprised seeing it look so goddamn slender. None of these death screens are REMOTELY good because the horror is HORRIBLY made by just using squiggles for blood. There's barely any gore in it or anything to emphasize the vileness of seeing such a thing happen. Like, the cat commiting suicide and yet there's blood all over just doesn't make any sense, because visually, you don't see any cuts or wounds that would logically cause this. In fact, the message "I am so bored" doesn't make any goddamn sense, because like why commit suicide over boredom and not the fact you're miserable and lack any self-respect that you're driven to do this. Hunger doesn't make any goddamn to have blood because of said previous issues, there's nothing that would cause blood to appear. Starvation doesn't work like that. And speaking of hunger and love, there's barely any difficulty in managing them. You can just pet and feed the fish anyway. Hunger NEVER decreases on how long you're playing a game, and love can't be decreased by constantly failing minigames.
I mean, for gods' sake, I named a kitty "Cock" and his fur red, you tell me how serious I was about this game when I looked at it, because the art pretty much enforces the tone. LAZY. The line art loves to clip onto other parts, which can be fixed at least easily by just clean up. I don't care if you put 5 hours in making a game, if you can do that, why not spend some time on polishing the game already? It would've warranted a BETTER rating if the polish was there.

nineret responds:

see you in sequel

[Freddygamer's Assassination]

The most boring assassination game in the world.
The game is STUPIDLY easy because for one, there are no penalties for missing a shot, and two, the difficulty can be EASILY stubbed out by just using an autoclicker and camping around a purple portal, so you can just spawn camp all you want minus the dumbasses that complain about spawn camping ruining the game. I mean, why else would you wanna get spammed with enemies you can't possibly kill in time before they reach to you fast? Your bullets do not pierce through enemies, so you're going to be killing way slower than enemies draining your health. This means that the very enemy you click on ONLY kills them and not including any other enemy that's in way of your fire.
There's no sound OR animations, and the cherry on top of it: NO GAME OVER SCREEN. You can't "lose," which is to say losing would've meant your health being 0 or lower, meaning this game is something you cannot win nor lose.

[Wario Pill's Pill-Based Journey! 2: The Next Dosage! V2]

It's a fun game about shooting people with weed. The chaos you can brew is what makes it fun, because the power-up reinforces this being a drug trip. It's goddamn great, but if anything, I think it's just too long and I don't know how many levels are there, because I'm in the Ayuma Kasuga level and I don't know if that's like in the last levels of the game.

AtreyuGilbert responds:

There's 12 levels total, with the last 3 levels basically being Boss stages.
This whole game is just kinda something you can turn on and go to town comitting genocide in, it's like playing a first person shooter... ON DRUGS!!

But yea, thanks for your input!